Many people incorrectly assume that the Yakuza is a Japanese crime syndicate. They simply happen to have mastered the logic, of automotive production and sales, and petroleum accessories.
So, what are the rules to car ownership?
Your check engine light is on: You have to carve yourself up on your arms and face, or else you buy a new car. Otherwise, you get arrested.
Rizzy Lumbago: A Beacon Hill political scientist. You take a right, into a parking lot, then pull left, through an open space set, and pull to a kiosk. That’s where you meet the pol, the politician or lawyer or accountant, for the tip, as a criminal.
Cutting off the corner on a turn: Impossible. Ignore that guy, he drives a semi. He has special training.
The marked lanes violation: it only applies to your town, not the province or country.
The veer on the highway: deadliest mistake, never pick up anything, not even a joint, wait until you get home, never blaze up at your seller.
The bully as a remark: this guy is a pig, cut him off, he’s an anti-Semite, don’t tell him so.
The cruise out of town: never take it, it’s a Dimitz, that’s a Polish Jew, any kind.
The ride to work: never give it to anyone, they want to steal your job, your girl, your career, your ass, your pride, and put you in porn.
The free postal ride: don’t complain, watch, bring them to the post office, once, you complain, you get robbed, maybe shot.
The car cleaner: keep your car neat, not clean, that way, you level out.
The drug girl: never befriend her, she has a mobster friend trying to date you, then you have to move to his neighborhood development, he talks you into doing a burnout, you have to kill him anyways, or else you marry a fatass ’empress’.
The date car: never take a date in a car, anything within walking distance, if the community is too big, order delivery, or else, you don’t get laid.
The watchalong: never watch for a girl in your car, the lesbian approaches, and accuses you of rape, as the teacher’s son, and it’s never the one you think.
The sodomy inmate: never give a girl a ride, anywhere, unless she’s spoken for, to your own knowledge, she sets up a car accident you’re at fault for, she’s a cop.
The cross-eyed driver: that’s you, you’re always at fault for anything in your car, John Rocker had an Asian girlfriend.
Smoking in a car: never have a cigarette in a car, it’s impossible to quit.
The festival: never go to a festival if you aren’t driving, if you’re going out of state, you get arrested, if you go for a radio promotion, especially for food, you get badged.
The bustarock’s off: always let a military brat in your car if you tell him you don’t litter, let him frame himself for your draft, it’s Alice’s Restaurant